All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
