Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
