I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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