RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
