He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
