we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
