.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
She told me I should be a condom model.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
