Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize