Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
