Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
