we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Success! We fucked roommates!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
