We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
