I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
