I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
