and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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