and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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