Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
