I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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