alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
