He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
