So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
