I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
