Umm I'm too high to move.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
accomplished twins. life is a go
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize