No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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