Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
