i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
