I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
our cab driver is having phone sex.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
