It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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