After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
