rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
