i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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