No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
