grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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