I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
