party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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