so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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