My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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