the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Oh god it's open bar.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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