it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
