Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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