he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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