She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
