went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
