I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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