what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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