I accidentally had phone sex last night
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
