and you said cock pushups were impossible
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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