If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
