She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
