You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
