woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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