dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
