i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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