If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Please, let me fuck your mom
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
