Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
