At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Girls should come with a carfax report
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
