i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
