I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
