so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This is the high leading the old right now
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
