there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are the jesus of drinking
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
