Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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