you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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