After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
