Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
