We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
