i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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