The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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