Where is the hickey?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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