and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
