I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I need to sanitize my soul.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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