So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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