im six kinds of drunk right now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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