Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
