im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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