Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
