Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
