the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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