i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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