I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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